Metal favorites: A list I didn't want to just post on Facebook
Jo Bench of Bolt Thrower (photo via Wikimedia commons: Cecil / CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0))
This, my first collection of written Dad Thrash words in far too long, began as one of those Facebook things that’s being passed around like a sneezed plague -- a list of one’s favorite bands in a variety of metal subgenres. My inability to execute concision means I actually executed concision, with a very lethal weapon: my ego. I started filling in the blanks, and then added little bits of commentary, and then came up with some more categories that prove I know scads and scads more about metal than the original author, and then drove the thing into the median and flipped it twice. Thanks for reading.
Heavy Metal: Dio
Thrash Metal: Overkill (GODS)
Glam Metal: Ratt (still holds up for some reason)
Power Metal: Helloween (only power metal band I like)
Death Metal: does Bolt Thrower count? (I say yes.)
Tech Death Metal: Demilich
Brutal Death Metal: ugh no (unless Deicide counts, then I pick Deicide)
Stoner Metal: Monster Magnet (the originals! The originals who aren’t Black Sabbath, I mean!)
Speed Metal: Slayer
Grindcore: Napalm Death
Post-Metal: Boris
Black thrash: Aura Noir
Doom Metal: Black Sabbath
Progressive Metal: Hammers of Misfortune
Industrial Metal: Godflesh
Nu Metal: Hed PE (OK, I just picked the worst one I could think of)
Symphonic Metal: Cradle of Filth
Gothic Metal: Type O Negative (runner-up: My Dying Bride, foghorns and violins baby)
Folk Metal: Moonsorrow
Metalcore: Converge (mostly by default)
Sludge Metal: Neurosis (should have their own genre: transcendent metal)
Avant Garde: Deathspell Omega
Math Metal: The Dillinger Escape Plan
NWOBHM: Angel Witch
Indescribable metal: Urfaust (runner up: Umbrtka for being TCSM -- True Czech Salami Metal)
Two-adjective metal: Wolves in the Throne Room -- Cascadian black metal
Neo-trad metal: Slough Feg
Venom: Venom
Funk metal: Faith No More (also those two Death Angel songs)
Out-of-print metal: Forced Entry (runner-up: Toxik)
Poverty metal: Savage
Epic metal: Manilla Road
Noise rock that sounds like metal: Helmet
Death rock: Babylon Whores
Metal that’s more rock than metal but is mostly metal maybe: Motorhead
Rock band that’s not metal but was a huge influence on metal: Thin Lizzy
Black Metal: about 500 bands but I’m gonna go with MAYHEM
True Norwegian black metal: Darkthrone
True Swedish black metal: Funeral Mist
True Finnish black metal: Beherit
True American black metal: Leviathan/Lurker of Chalice
True French black metal: Mutiilation (runner-up: Brenoritvrezorkre)
True Canadian black metal: Blasphemy
True French Canadian black metal: Departure Chandelier
True Mexican black metal: Funereal Moon
True Brazilian black metal: Sarcofago
True German black metal: Moonblood
True Greek black metal: Rotting Christ
True Danish black metal: Mercyful Fate
True Australian black metal: Portal
True Swiss black metal: Celtic Frost
True Tasmanian black metal: Striborg
True Italian black metal: Mortuary Drape
True Spanish black metal: Teitanblood
True Czech black metal: Master’s Hammer
True Ukranian black metal: Drudkh
True Russian black metal: Old Wainds
True Irish black metal: Primordial
True Portuguese black metal: Black Cilice
True Hungarian black metal: Tormentor
True Belgian black metal: Lugubrum
True Japanese black metal: Sabbat
True Korean black metal: Pyha
True Kyrgysztanian black metal: Darkestrah
True Polish black metal: Seagulls Insane and Swans Deceased Mining Out the Void
FIN.
